I've Been Diagnosed With Blackness

I’ve Been Diagnosed With Blackness

Descent

I might have seen you for help
from my affliction with Blackness.

I don’t know. Kendrick says
he has been diagnosed

with real ~~nigga~~ conditions.
I needed you to make mine

go away. I wanted you
to will the earth to swallow

the cop at my door.
My relationship with the land

is the longing of my fathers
for their kin. As you know already,

I am not from here;
and cannot make request

from the land. Your fathers
have reaped from desire.

Upon learning the palace
will have its first black son

the crown decreed he will
never be called prince

and will hold no titles.
Although I do not condone,

I understand the queen.
The boy’s mother could

have removed him from
the crown’s household

because she could imagine
him growing up

to be the queen’s housenigga.
What puts us in bed with those

who lorded themselves over us
besides our desire for mercy?

When my people knew I stopped
seeing you, they wanted to know

if I was thankful because where I’m from
it’s often said that to be kept alive by

what could kill you is a gift.

Forty-One

I blamed the time difference. 
I blamed the miles over 
which our voices were carried 
by the phone when my mother 
claimed my voice didn’t sound 
like mine. I blamed the ocean 
between us. I repeated myself;
but my voice sounded like 
a needle. When I opened 
my mouth all 23 years of Amadou 
Diallo’s life fell out. I didn’t see 
his face until I rinsed the blood 
off. But I held him even without knowing 
it was him because he has my body, 
I mean my brother’s body. I hugged 
him because he is mine in the way 
my body is mine. I cradled him until 
his eyes opened. I cradled his head 
until his mouth opened into stories 
of the many ways his hands have 
failed him. He stopped the stories 
abruptly before their ends. He was 
restless. He wanted a haircut, food, 
and travel all at once. He wanted to live 
all 22 years of his death in a minute. 
He wanted to live like he never died.
But he left me for the shores across
which our mothers are waiting for us.

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