There’s much turmoil in the kingdom of The Rose God.

ABC has decided to “pause” the next season of The Bachelorette, and  showrunners Claire Freeland and Bennett Graebner have left amid allegations of a toxic workplace.

None of this feels especially surprising to me as recently seasons have gone from bonkers to sometimes just plain painful to watch. Remember the most awkward moment in reality TV history when they made poor Bachelorette Jenn watch her proposal to Devin, the guy who turned out not to love her and to be a giant a-hole? Like, why?

As long as ABC can squeeze a few bucks out of The Bachelor I think it will stick around, but recent seasons episodes of this show have been bland as hell too. A friend of mine described watching it purely as background noise now.

Anyway, in the midst of all of this Muzzy remains unbothered, silky-haired, thriving.

Tonight’s episode opens in the Dominican Republic, a place Grant considers his second home since he used to play basketball there.

The first date is with Juliana and they take a ATV off-roading to a conveniently placed bench and picnic basket.

Juliana is struggling because her ex had cheated on her for a long time, and the thought of Grant spending the night with the other contestants brings back bad feelings from that time.

Grant, meanwhile, worries that she’s holding back.

As they reflect on these feelings, two roosters strut through the background crowing and fucking everything up. The roosters do not care and no one bothered to do a reshoot. The lack of fucks one everyone’s part is pretty astounding.

Later that night it’s super windy so I’m trying to focus on Grant and Juliana and the dinner they can’t eat while candles are flickering and lanterns are swaying and everyone’s hair is blowing around.

Juliana tells Grant that she struggles to open up, all while the wind gusts and thunder claps and the cheese tray is blowing away (probably).

Muzzy: Cheeeeese.

I can’t explain how chaotic this whole scene is. Sad music playing over Juliana talking about her past relationship and meanwhile the set is just slowly being destroyed by the weather and Grant’s eyes keep cutting over like “Do we need to go inside?”

Instead he tells Juliana he’s falling in love with her.

They retire to their “fantasy suite” which is just a hotel room. Remember when we got windmills and shit?

The next morning Juliana says, “Twelve out of ten experience, would do it again.”

Well good for you, honey.

Next up it’s Zoe’s date. They do silent partner yoga. The idea is that not being able to talk will help them physically connect. Grant says he spends most of the event trying not to fart.

Muzzy: I save all my toots up for when I’m snuggling mom.

I’ll be honest: these two don’t have a lot of chemistry and don’t seem super interested in each other.  They still go to the fantasy suite though.

The next morning they wake up and have breakfast on the beach. They are less giggly and silly than Grant and Juliana were.

Lastly it’s Litia’s date. Litia is Mormon, has never dated outside her religion, and isn’t happy with the idea of Grant being intimate with anyone else.

They go ziplining. Litia picks up her harness and asks “Why is it wet?”

That’s what she said.

Honestly, what is it with this franchise and making people do stuff at heights?

They are supposed to do multiple zip lines, but Litia is getting nauseated. She also worries that she’s not ready for physical intimacy.

I guess I assumed she wasn’t going to be participating the in the overnight part of the date because she’s talked so much about how much her religion means to her, and she seems to be pretty conservative. Her siblings aren’t even allowed to watch the show.

They hang out by a cenote for awhile which is so much better than ziplining.

During dinner, Grant is concerned because Litia’s timeline for having kids is a lot shorter than his is.

When Grant hands Litia the weird ass invite to spend the night together, there is an awkward pause.

She says, “I think you’re a great guy and you have good intentions and you’ve been respectful of me […] but sex is not on the table for me.”

Grant says he respects that because sex isn’t the foundation of a healthy relationship. Then he says he loves her. Not falling in love. He loves her.

They retire to the fantasy suite with the understanding that sex is not happening.

Muzzy:  Honestly snuggles are best sometimes.

The next morning Grant is worried that he told Litia he loved her too fast–not that he doesn’t love her, it’s just he loves the other women too.

Man, if he dumps her or takes that back the internet is gonna be so mad at him.

“How do I maneuver through this?” he asks.

He says the same thing EVERY SINGLE BACHELOR has said, “I didn’t know it was possible to love more than one person at once.”

The next (same?) day all three women line up for the Dreaded Rose Ceremony.

After an age of intense music and long pauses, Grant sends Zoe  home.

He walks her to a bench where they sit down to talk, but neither of them seems particularly broken up. They are both a little teary eyed, but I don’t think either of them felt very strongly for the other.

So next week is between Juliana and Litia. Who do you think will “win”?